In addition, I was asked to shift out of the house I used to live in for the first eight months of my stay in Gurgaon and the need to move out four days before I was to leave the darn place for over three weeks meant that my entire setup was in shambles.

I am a compulsive loner so far as my accommodation situation is concerned and despite having had the time of my life on my trip, I was dreading getting back home and opening the door to see a house not settled into, with dust and cobwebs all over the place.

The scene that I encountered was no different from what I’d imagined. An unclean floor is always a bitch and a dusty one with white tiles that my landlord placed despite all my protests just compounded my misery further.

The weekend was spent in reorganization of my entire setup and this week has been spent in honing my cooking skills once more. The washing machine, microwave oven and fridge have made my life beautiful and have rendered me fully independent for the most part.

The inconvenience of having to open the door to a maid who might have to be micromanaged has instead given way to a twice-in-a-week cleaning that I will have to stick to. The need to cook dinner for myself, instead of the cook in the previous place who used to give me tasty food on average has also increased the burden on my daily life, while also bringing about a stronger semblance of full and complete independence.

Some of my friends remarked that I was scarily domesticated and that I was almost married in terms of the routine that I follow.

I was unable to interpret it for my mind thought of it in two ways – Am I domesticated to a point where marriage or cohabitation with a partner would not bring about too many changes into my life style? Or was it that the life style changes that marriage brings about in people have already set in within me and therefore the very task of having to “settle down” has therefore been rendered null and void?

In any case, the complete independence and therefore complete responsibility that I last enjoyed in Bangalore before I went to B-school has now once again become the story of my life as I go about doing all that I need to do to get by. I am my own cook, cleaner, washer man and man Friday and the time saved by outsourcing these activities is offset by the convenience with which I am able to work on all these activities, thereby making me more disciplined overall. Or so I hope.

I am still to document my review of 2010, wherein the total distance traveled will feature prominently in my log. In addition, I also need to work extensively on my travelogue to document the fruition of my long cherished and long awaited trip to Israel.

I think travel is my writerly muse and my mojo has returned. Please look forward to a barrage of posts in the days ahead. It will not be too boring, on that you have my word.

I can’t believe I am thinking that far ahead already.

Nevertheless, coming back to my dream job requirement, I guess it has nothing to do with a lot of stuff I have done so far to earn my daily chappati-subzi and bowl of rice and sambar. However, it combines quite a few of the things that I really love doing, and would hence be a brilliant hobby that could work out to be a full time profession.

I first made a reference to something similar in this post, lauding how a certain celebrity fortunate enough to share my birthday got an Oscar for making a mixed tape.

The Dream Job I would like to have is to be a soundtrack man for a movie. Basically, I want to be the guy who reads the script, watches the rough cut of the movie and is given the authority to put in music in the background by coming up with a list of songs that would be appropriate for the moment.

This job would involve doing many of my favourite things – listen to new music intently, watch a lot of movies, exercise a strong degree of creativity to get the perfect background music going, (derived from all possible sources) to kick in at the perfect moment and make for a great movie-viewing experience.

I’ve realized that most white collar jobs that require a certain level of specialization entail creativity in some form or the other. I somehow feel that one of the situations I would perform optimally would be like in the one I just described above.

So if any of you know whether such a job really exists, let me know and I’ll see if I can do something more than just bleg about it.

Gunda has had such tremendous fan following, and has had among the highest ratings [citation needed] that a Hindi movie could’ve ever had on IMDB for it incorporated all possible genres that one could think of into an intense three hour movie-thon.

Deshdrohi is the BIMARU film industry’s cinematic response of sorts to Raj T’s MNS’ anti-Bihari campaign. Now we all know that Raj Thackeray has been certified insane, and is doing this just like Paris Hilton did her multiple sexcapades and Presidential campaigns for footage from all quarters possible.

After enough visibility, Raj T plans to release an album and / or star in a few movies, but that was something his PR agent told me in strict confidence. Given the low readership of this website, I’m not really concerned about this news spreading around too much anyway.

“KRK is the new SRK“, screamed the headlines of the widely read Times of Patna. Considering the total subscribers of aforesaid esteemed newspaper are equal to the total number of google reader subscribers to this website, one can imagine how popular KRK has now become. Please note that I did not say ‘readers’, only ‘subscribers’. There is a difference.

With a star cast boasting of among others, Gracy Singh, who said this performance of hers makes her work in Lagaan look like that of Bobby Deol’s in Dostana, and Roza, who dated Saif Ali Khan for three days and landed six B and C grade movie offers in the process, as well as Hrishita Bhatt (who has added some three extra H’s and some seven T’s for numerological luck), who said in the Times of Patna that compared to KRK, SRK (with whom she’s worked in Asoka) was positively meh, this movie is also worth checking out for the eye-candy factor that it provides in addition to the strong social message which you can get when you watch the movie.

KRK has overthrown Ravi Kishan to now become the most sought after actor from the BIMARU states.

Ravi Kishan who needed a serial like Bigg Boss as well arbit ad-libbing of Kabir’s Dohas as the Bhojpuri voice of Peter Parker in Spiderman-3 to become famous all over the world has now gone on the offensive and last heard, was dubbing for all of Jean Claude Van Damme’s movies, to make JC’s famous quotes more accessible to everyone in the BIMARU region, while at the same time, increasing his market value.

In the Times of Patna, he was last quoted as saying that his drop in market value was due to the ” people going for recess” (emphasis mine) in Europe and America, and that once they all got back, he could start charging his regular rates. For the record, he was both a reader AND subscriber of the ToP.

KRK, reportedly charges a princely sum of INR 1000 per movie, and like Megamart’s offers, will do three for INR 2000, and perform his own stunts as well.

I would’ve quoted dialogues from the movie on my website, but I want all of you to go and watch the movie. I plan to convince my team at the office that this would be an ideal movie to watch during our upcoming team outing.

There were similar opinion polls and premature celebrations that had taken place eight years ago, when a certain Al Gore, proponent of the famous ManBearPig (half man, half bear, half pig) phenomenon, was in line for the President’s post post Clinton in 2000 AD.

Opinion polls are scary, for one never knows how wrong they can be. It is quite funny, but in the event that John McCain does end up winning, the media will have to eat its words, as will most other people who’ve been ardently supporting him and rooting for his victory.

Should Obama win, he’ll be the first EVER US President to have an Islamic middle name – ‘Hussein’, and more than anything else, it will represent America’s coming of age, despite their being so anti-Muslim post 9/11.

One thing that I find both funny and disturbing at the same time is this story, which talks of how Bangalore techies have been raising money in support of Obama. This was further corroborated by the cheap simian, who sent me a similar link, accusing me of having been part of this venture.

I find it funny because the Bangalore techies could raise only so much money for the Democratic campaign in the US elections so as to contribute towards a few pamphlets to be distributed in some mid-sized city in the US. Additionally, I find it absurd that they’re bothered about what will happen in America instead of focussing on the changes they can make in our very own country.

Stupid Bangalore techies campaigning for Obama – please to look homeward!!!

The fanfare associated with their actions is akin to most of us following EPL or Spanish league clubs, but its not like we raise money or get involved greatly with the fortunes of said clubs. (At least, most of the sensible people wouldn’t.) Sure, Western culture has invaded our shores, permeated into the very essence of our being and has been adopted by us wherever convenient. We’re also following their movies, TV serials and to some extent, their life-styles.

But, wouldn’t these techies be better off campaigning for someone who’d make a greater impact on our lives here? Or alternatively, nominate one among them who’s willing to take up the job and ‘stand for the change’ that they so jingoistically seem to be endorsing?

If they want to get to the US, there’s easier ways of doing it. They could put Bambi eyes onto their project manager and have him/her sent on a B1, L1 or a H1B visa for whatever duration they want to be there for. An Obama presidency might impact outsourcing, the very reason most techies are techies, in a negative manner, and these elevated souls seem to be oblivious of that fact as they go about in their fund-raising drive. Stupefying, it is.

All said and done, the US Presidential elections, like the Cricket and Football World Cups, the Olympics and other global spectacles comes only once in four years, and I think we should all sit in front of the TV and watch it and have fun while it lasts.

The song Ek Do Teen from the movie Tezaab just came to mind. The song begins with Madhuri Dixit’s character talking to the crowd, and when they keep chanting her name (Mohini, Mohini), she eventually bursts into song.

The playback singing for this particular song was done by Alka Yagnik, and the initial parts where the conversation takes place with the crowd, also had her voice instead of that of Madhuri Dixit’s.

Since the initial segment in the song involved conversation and absolutely no singing, I am wondering why the producer / director / music director did not record Madhuri Dixit’s voice while dubbing to incorporate in this part, and instead chose to go with Alka Yagnik’s voice.

In any case, a funny super song. Watching this movie at a cinema theatre is my first ever memory of visiting a movie hall (Lido in Mysore), and I can still recall parts of this movie where Anil Kapoor jumps off a tall building and is lying in a pool of blood but still survives, how all the bad guys are beaten up in the end, and how there is a song just before the climax where Anil Kapoor, Chunky Pandey and Madhuri Dixit are riding in a Maruti Omni gaadi.

In retrospect, it was quite a violent movie, I must say! I don’t think my folks read the reviews before they took me to watch it.

As defined in the wiki page that I hope you haven’t been lazy enough not to click on, a Roast refers to the opportunity to make uninhibited fun and this is precisely what I am about to do. The entire idea to do a roast was brought about by a discussion I had with a certain Palash Mehrotra (who has incidentally been in the news along with the likes of Aravind Adiga, Tarun Tejpal and Nandan Nikelani – alliterative names all – for getting atrocious advance sums for the books they plan to write).

Now that the name dropping is out of the way, Palash and I were in conversation regarding whether the movie was good for the music scene in general or was it just trying to define a Bollywood-ish view of rock, in order to cash in on the latest trends. I presented him with my take on the movie, and I thought it would make for good material to blog about.

Let me start with the positives of the movie. It tries to break the stereotype associated with someone who is part of a rock band. The previous view that one would’ve had of only junkies / social misfits / psychopaths trying to use rock music as a release is now being questioned. As evinced in the movie, it is quite possible for an investment banker, a jeweler’s son and for people in other such respectable professions to get together and play in a band. Ladies, it is now (more) acceptable to take home to your folks someone who plays in a band, without your folks worrying about having to commit you to an institution.

While it is true that there are musicians who get wasted like nobody’s business, that is true even of people in all other professions that one can think of.

The movie does try to make rock music socially acceptable. Thanks to the movie, rock isn’t something that the kids listen to in order to headbang away, and even people in their mid 30s and beyond, as shown in the movie seem to be able to groove to such music. Those who have attended concerts in Bangalore would no doubt certify to this claim anyway, but now the additional facet of mass appeal attached would make such a claim even more believable.

The movie is slightly different from most of the standard issue Bollywood fare, and is able to differentiate itself with a certain amount of class. Full respect to Farhan Akhtar for having learnt to play the guitar and for singing all the songs himself, and Prachi Desai and Nicolette Bird are cutemax. Seriously.

Now that the praise is out of the way, I wish to begin the roast. The band, named ‘Magik’ does not have a bassist. I wouldn’t really have a problem with it, except for that I play the bass guitar for a band myself, and if the movie is to be believed, my instrument is redundant and someone with a keyboard can ‘program the basslines’ and be done with it. Yes, and the peon can double up to be a project manager on the side, should a company face a shortage of employees.

Arjun Rampal’s character is considered to be one of the best guitarists on the planet. So much so that he can, with one hand, play everything that Joe Satriani, Eric Johnson and Steve Vai need two hands to play on. His immense talent is lauded through the movie, and is highlighted by his incredible ability to play every song on screen using two hand positions that I have named the ‘Tiger Claw’ and ‘Fingering’. Imagine what a stud he must be if he can ‘play’ every song ever known to man by simply using two positions of his hand.

The band’s onstage performance looked more like the ‘Mock Rock’ performances that seems to be the rage in most VTU colleges, where people ‘play’ musical instruments to a previously recorded soundtrack. Magik would’ve become the undisputed mock rock champions of the world, had they deigned to participate in all these competitions.

Lastly, I am peeved with the lyrics of the songs in the movie. The songs sound like they had been written by the band in class three, and rediscovered by them fourty years later in a dusty attic. Despite that, they seem to have gone ahead and used the same content to ask questions like ‘Why isn’t two plus two equal to five?’ and ‘Sinbad the sailor’ and ‘I lost my lunchbox every day in the past seven days’. With all due respect to Javed Akhtar who has come up with stud lyrics, this isn’t the kind of stuff that most self-respecting rock bands would like to come up with.

Having said that, considering I play for a Hindi rock band, our songs aren’t too stellar by any stretch of imagination either. However a certain amount of self-realization, combined with some intense brain-washing might just aid us in making a better job out of what we intend to come out with.

Lastly, I think I’m just jealous of ‘Magik’, considering our band doesn’t even enjoy one billionth the popularity they seem to have achieved. Maybe that is why I did the roast in the first place. Oh whatever, to hell with it.

Being a cheap and lazy guy who doesn’t want to spend all his time at home online, I have consciously avoided getting another internet connection at home, after a previous TATA Indicom wireless modem connection outlasted its usefulness and was therefore unceremoniously discarded.

This meant that I did not check email / update my website / surf arbitly for seven whole days, and this has led to much rejoicing because it has shown me that I don’t depend on the net as much as I had previously assumed.

Nevertheless, despite the past seven days of my life having as much content as an entire season of Seinfeld, there were some random things I did manage to do, and one of them was to check out the new Swagath Garuda Mall in Jayanagar, after having written about it a few days ago.

Right at the outset, let me tell you that this building is an excuse for a mall. In fact, I would go on further to say that even a big bazaar in its place would’ve served a far better purpose, despite being among my least favourite establishments. At least the latter stacks up on half liter packets of Nestle Goodlife milk and Oreo cookies, combined with attractive discount offers on the purchase of Real Activ juice containers.

There is no common area in the mall like you have for most malls that you might’ve seen. There are only two entrances – one to climb the stairs to get to the third and fourth floors to reach the food court and INOX, and the other entrance to the Westside store, which occupies the entire ground floor.

The Landmark bookstore has no direct entrance and one has to get in through the Westside store to access it, and the entire roundabout way of accessing the few stores in that ‘mall’ would lead anyone to believe that they skipped the entire design phase during the making of this mall.

The ‘multiplex’, on a Monday afternoon, was screening three movies, one Telugu, one Kannada the other one being ‘Hello’. I’d rather have watch the same episode of ‘Hum Paanch’ six times in a row, than sit through any one of those three movies being screened at that time.

At 1600 on Monday, I think I was the only person not employed at that mall who was present there, and although I was totally thrilled about the absolute lack of people, it was quite evident that the lack of people was due to the lack of anything worthwhile to do at that place.

I wish to apologize to anyone who wants to take this apology for having gone out on a limb to engage in premature celebrations with regard to how this mall and the multiplex and bookstore within would change the face of south Bangalore as we knew it. To my immense relief, PVR isn’t that far away from this mall in any case. Maybe south Bangalore doesn’t really need a mall because we aren’t mall rats per se.

Prom, short for promenade is a social gathering that marks the end of a particular academic year. Initially started off as a formal affair in the US and Canada, this has been now been widely acknowledged as the night that most school seniors lose their virginity, if they haven’t lost it already.

A night of uninhibited carnal exploration, prom night is the first step that earmarks one’s babysteps into a hedonistic society, as the entire American Pie series and other such movies would have us believe.

Now, while reading through this post on India Uncut, it suddenly struck me that we have our own version of prom night.

In fact, so much so, that is isn’t so much as a single night, but nine nights consecutively. Yes, I am referring to Navratri. And, whoever in the entire frigging nation that wants to, can go ahead and celebrate it.

Instances of unmitigated debauchery have been reported for ages now, and in an atmosphere where members of the opposite sex can mingle the way they do during Navratri, it is hardly surprising that such a thing occurs. While Valentine’s Day and other so-called western influenced celebrations can be curtailed swiftly by the unforgiving hand of our self-appointed moral police, it would be sacrelige to prevent Navratri festivities from going on, and it is this lack of control over proceedings that makes this festival our answer to Prom night.

In fact, the creators of ‘American Desi’ were clever enough to include a Ras / Dandiya / Garba thing in their climax, since brown people don’t have prom night.

Who needs prom night anyway?

Yes, all of us that live and take pride in the awesomeness and modesty of south Bangalore now don’t have to suffer the indignity of going all the way to the Forum, to Garuda Mall, to Lido Mall, or God forbid, to that horribly distant Innovative Multiplex to watch a movie.

Not just that, as an added bonus, we don’t even have to hit any of the aforementioned parts of town in order to get to a good bookstore.

True, Jayanagar does have a few bookstores that stock textbooks for all courses, but it doesn’t have a Strand, a Premier, a Crossword or a Landmarks. I wouldn’t count Sapna Book Store as a good book store per se by any stretch of imagination, for all that it would serve to, based on the type of books it stocks, is to remind me of how technically challenged I am, despite having been an engineering student for four years, and an employee of the IT industry for four more years (and counting) thereafter.

However, this too has been remedied by the unveiling of a Landmark’s bookstore within walking distance from the Jayanagar 4th block complex, in the same place that the multiplex is located at.

All this has been made possible due to the coming up of a new mall which is called the Swagath Garuda Mall, which is located where the Swagath theatre originally stood . I am not a big fan of malls, or of any other places where all the Amit_123s (and their equally arbit female couterparts) of Bangalore tend to hang out at, and unleash like nobody’s business.

But the presence of an Inox multiplex as well as a Landmarks bookstore in such close proximity to whre I live acts as a suitable anodyne to this particular predicament. My only worry is that all the HTs of South Bangalore, that live in Jayanagar, Banashankari and BTM will make a beeline for this mall and forsake their regular hang outs in favour of this newer mall.

Now if only someone would demolish the Big Bazaar in Banashankari 3rd stage and instead construct a multiplex there, it would result in removing that monstrosity from our area and put something awesome in its place. Should this ever happen, my cup of joy will surely be overflowing more than I ever imagined it could!

I was initially puzzled at this, but I suddenly realized that everyone was now switching over to daylight saving time, and Pacific Standard Time (PST) had now become Pacific Daylight Saving Time (PDT). The entire nation had moved ahead by an hour, and I was inadvertently caught in the middle of it all, not having experienced this previously in 25 years of my existence.

The repercussions of this change were soon to follow. In my last two weeks there, I had to wake up an hour earlier, and given how late I used to sleep, it was quite a task. But there were enough and more relevant motivating factors that prompted me to do so, without much trouble.

However, when I got back home, it dawned upon me that I had lost an hour of my life forever. I did not see 01:00 to 01:59 in the wee hours of 9th March 2008 for no fault of mine. I want that hour of my life back.

The only way this can be accomplished is by being in some place that is already running on DST and then being present there when they switch back to their regular time. However, if, due to circumstances, I am unable to travel to any place and be present when the switch back takes place, I’d like it if someone were to sponsor my trip.

I did gain an extra day by crossing the International Date Line onward to the US, but lost it again when coming back home. This meant that I had two days of my life which had the date 9th February 2008, and no day which had the date 24th March 2008, but since the total number of days evens out, I am not complaining.

Maybe I can go ahead and start an NGO, inspired significantly by Aadisht, called – ‘I want my hour back‘, which will ensure that whoever has been a victim by losing time due to the DST switch over gets to be regain it during the switch back.

This problem would, I realize, be compounded further when the person has experienced N DST switch overs, and less switch backs, but those complications can be remedied on a case by case basis.

The theme song for this NGO, if anyone would bother to compose it, can be sung to the tune of ‘Life is a Lemon’ by Meatloaf. If anyone wants to implement this idea, go ahead, please, knock yourselves out.