People were stranded for hours, and many missed out on their flights. That evening, I had to head to Total Mall on Hosur Road for a farewell treat, and I was thanking my lucky stars that I lived so far away from Palace Grounds, though I rue the day when someone decides to have a similar meeting in South Bangalore.

Initially, when the RJ on Radio Indigo annouced that people should avoid Mekhri circle to get to the airport, and instead go on the outer ring road, I thought it was random exaggeration until I realized later on that it was due to the stupid rally held by HDD and HDK.

Details of the chaos and mayhem caused by this meeting can be seen in the following links Times of India and Deccan Herald.

When you see how the father-son duo seem to be unapolegetic of their actions, and how they seem to justify their actions with hollow words, one can’t help but be consumed by rage. To make matters worse, they’re doing a volte-face to blame the BJP government as well as the police for their inability to address the needs of the citizens of Bangalore in the light of such a massive event.

I hope they burn in hell. I’m ok with it even if they just burn. Period.

Pretty badly.

Forget all the sugar-coating fundaes that Dr.Manmohan Singh has given us about how things are bad but will get better. If global trends are any indication, lay-offs will, like every other trend perpetuated by our western civilizations, hit Indian shores sooner than you think.

Question is, are we equipped to deal with it, with panache, with courage, and most importantly, with dignity like most seasoned laid-off people have done so?

In our country, a pink slip hasn’t yet reached the levels of acceptability that it ought to, considering we’re used to dollar equivalent salaries, tech infrastructure and benefits like the original silicon valley inhabitants. It is considered as a blemish on one’s record to have been laid off from a job, even though the employee might just have been caught inadvertently in the middle of an organizational restructuring plan.

Take for instance the case of the twenty four thousand people who will be searching for new jobs once Hewlett-Packard completes its merger with EDS, out of whom, some might be from our country, and might not take too well to this move, as compared to their counterparts abroad. However, since they plan to implement the merger in a phased out manner, most employees might be given enough time to desert the mothership.

However, employees of Xerox, Dell, Yahoo and eBay haven’t been as lucky. The axe is falling, and as Rajiv Gandhi said in 1984 in a completely different context altogether which we can extend to this present situation, “When a giant tree falls, the earth below shakes“.

We are but hapless ants, scurrying around, foraging for the best available deal, and if we’re caught under the tree as it lands on us with a resounding thump, such is life.

I don’t know if you know how it feels to be an Indian in the tech industry, and enjoy the somewhat uncomplimentary feeling of not being laid off that easily due to the relatively low cost incurred by the organization employing my services through my parent company, but once again, this time in the greater scheme of things, being a cheap fellow has its distinct advantages.

When I was in Seattle earlier this year, I had a few serious discussions, off the record, with people in the company that I was sent to,where I was to undertake the particular project I was working on until last month, and their views on being laid-off weren’t even remotely as vehement as I’d expected them to be.

In fact, just like we Bangaloreans are used to motorists coming at us with their high-beam lights flashing in our eyes, blinding us out, on the wrong side of the road no less, the Americans in their tech industry are used to being laid-off. Of course, such scenarios are unpleasant, but one has to, apparently, learn to live with them.

I percieved some sort of hostility from some people there, who weren’t entirely happy about the brown people invasion, and understandably so. However, I must admire those who were somewhat hostile for their professionalism and committment towards getting the job done. However, on the other hand, there were those who were extremely chilled-out and were good enough to hang out with, during the evenings.

From what I was told, these lay-offs are seen as an opportunity for getting one’s house in order, learn new stuff, take time to chill out and then regroup in order to renew their assault on the job market once it becomes more conducive for employment. The severance packages aren’t that bad either apparently.

But all this is hearsay, unfortunately. It does not, in anyway, make me feel less guilty about being indirectly responsible for someone losing his/her job just because I am willing to bust my ass off for that extra bit of time, and I come at one-fourth the price that the other person commands.

Sure, this makes business sense, and if one is to examine the entire scenario with the typical cold-blooded outlook of someone interested in making a profit, this is probably the best move that one can think of. But sometimes, just ever so often, I’m slightly unsure of how responsible I am, for someone else’s life being miserable, and the thought that I might be accumulating some negative Karma in the process is disconcerting.

Now is not the time, not especially with the worst cold I’ve ever had this month, running through tissue after tissue, sounding like a snorting elephant. However, sitting at my desk, sneezing away, typing this post, I am a tad gleeful at the fact that all those other ignoramus morons who’ve been putting their cellphones in loud mode will have to bear the brunt of my snorting and nose-blowing.

Regretfully, I am not very keen on having a life long cold to counter those often atrocious ring tones, and I will have to resort to other less damaging counter-measures to ward off this crisis.

Last evening, I decided to scoot off early from the office in order to take my bike for a spin. The Trek 3700 was just calling out for me everytime I laid my eyes on it, and I had to rush back home to take it out. Armed with a helmet, and with front and rear LED lights (that can be set to flashing mode), I set out of my house, intending to just cycle arbitly so as to build up stamina for longer rides towards the band practise sessions in far away C V Raman Nagar.

Barely had I reached the end of the lane I live in, when I met up with someone who asked about my bike and helmet. Thereafter, he proceeded to take his bike out as well (another Trek 3700) and he showed me some new hitherto unknown route which went almost all the way through to Uttarahalli through Ittamadu.

Cycling through the roads aimlessly brought back a whole bunch of memories of having cycled the last time I had done so, which was to put a 15 mile ride in order to get bootlegged beer in Oslo late on a friday evening when all the alcohol selling places had shut shop.

However, the way back from aforesaid random place near my house wasn’t quite the joyride I had expected it to be, since the steep upward incline made me stop and alight from the bike, despite having switched to first gear to ride it. My legs felt like they were made of lead, and I was short of breath after about six km of cycling. However, I am most certain that with some amount of further riding, I should have decent stamina once again so as to undertake journeys that are four times this distance.

Like someone once said, it just takes a little getting used to. Further adventures to be updated on my website in due time.

There were similar opinion polls and premature celebrations that had taken place eight years ago, when a certain Al Gore, proponent of the famous ManBearPig (half man, half bear, half pig) phenomenon, was in line for the President’s post post Clinton in 2000 AD.

Opinion polls are scary, for one never knows how wrong they can be. It is quite funny, but in the event that John McCain does end up winning, the media will have to eat its words, as will most other people who’ve been ardently supporting him and rooting for his victory.

Should Obama win, he’ll be the first EVER US President to have an Islamic middle name – ‘Hussein’, and more than anything else, it will represent America’s coming of age, despite their being so anti-Muslim post 9/11.

One thing that I find both funny and disturbing at the same time is this story, which talks of how Bangalore techies have been raising money in support of Obama. This was further corroborated by the cheap simian, who sent me a similar link, accusing me of having been part of this venture.

I find it funny because the Bangalore techies could raise only so much money for the Democratic campaign in the US elections so as to contribute towards a few pamphlets to be distributed in some mid-sized city in the US. Additionally, I find it absurd that they’re bothered about what will happen in America instead of focussing on the changes they can make in our very own country.

Stupid Bangalore techies campaigning for Obama – please to look homeward!!!

The fanfare associated with their actions is akin to most of us following EPL or Spanish league clubs, but its not like we raise money or get involved greatly with the fortunes of said clubs. (At least, most of the sensible people wouldn’t.) Sure, Western culture has invaded our shores, permeated into the very essence of our being and has been adopted by us wherever convenient. We’re also following their movies, TV serials and to some extent, their life-styles.

But, wouldn’t these techies be better off campaigning for someone who’d make a greater impact on our lives here? Or alternatively, nominate one among them who’s willing to take up the job and ‘stand for the change’ that they so jingoistically seem to be endorsing?

If they want to get to the US, there’s easier ways of doing it. They could put Bambi eyes onto their project manager and have him/her sent on a B1, L1 or a H1B visa for whatever duration they want to be there for. An Obama presidency might impact outsourcing, the very reason most techies are techies, in a negative manner, and these elevated souls seem to be oblivious of that fact as they go about in their fund-raising drive. Stupefying, it is.

All said and done, the US Presidential elections, like the Cricket and Football World Cups, the Olympics and other global spectacles comes only once in four years, and I think we should all sit in front of the TV and watch it and have fun while it lasts.

At the height of the virus scare, the person who was given said nickname didn’t share my enthusiasm or my sense of humour, regretfully.

The saga of giving random nicknames began in college and has continued ever since even at the office. However, there definitely have been instances where I’ve brain-farted with my nomenclature, as can be illustrated with this example.

In college, there was this girl who was a year junior, and I did not know her name. Nor was I on speaking terms with her. But some of my friends and I thought she was cute. Hence she got the nickname – ‘cute girl’. Quite fairly obvious, and intuitive and easy to remember. Right?

A few days later, she was joined on a regular basis by this other friend of hers, who my friends and I thought was cuter than her. Initially, I chanced upon naming her ‘girl with cute girl’, but given that it sounded quite stupid, I changed that to ‘girl cuter than cute girl’ and so it stuck.

Now, those nicknames, I am not proud of. Not one bit. However, those are merely illustrative examples to indicate how despite having come up with names like ‘Lech Paaji’, ‘Doob Doob’ and ‘Lubdubi’, I haven’t been consistent all through.

Now ‘Lech Paaji’ was, as you can probably guess, a Surd who used to lech at women. His leching was, in fact, so intense that he embarassed most of the guys in his vicinity, and his supreme abilities to have his piercing stares zero in on certain aspects of the female anatomy didn’t leave absolutely anyone in doubt regarding what was on his mind.

‘Doob Doob’ and ‘Lubdubi’ were nicknames given to people who seemed ostensibly dumb, much as their counterparts in ‘Tinkle’ magazine, and were named so to continue the trend of naming people after characters from the ‘Tinkle’ universe.

However, some friends of mine at the office have hit upon a novel way of nicknaming cute women women they think are cute here at work. It has been based on the colour of their attire on the first day that they spotted one of said women.

Hence, nicknames such as ‘purple haze’, ‘black dahlia’, ‘simply red’ and ‘brown sugar’ keep being thrown about with gay abandon whenever I end up spending more than ten minutes with them, although that doesn’t happen often.

I must say I admire these guys deeply for their attempts to keep using these nicknames despite the fact that it is quite evident that these aforementioned women would keep wearing different coloured clothes on different occasions.

This has led to some pretty interesting conversational snippets that I have over-heard. “The one in pink is purple haze, dude! The one in black is the green lantern!” “No you moron, the one in blue is the pink panther, while the one in red is the black dahlia.”

Right. Go figure.

With new government regulations put into place that have banned live performances in places serving alcohol, smoking within enclosed spaces and other such rules that have good intent but aren’t enforced well enough to be effective in the manner that was intended, there are apparently ways to circumvent said regulations by obtaining licenses that will allow these activities to take place as before.

Effectively, the further increase in licenses and norms and regulations is only resulting in the government making more money, which it shall hopefully invest in things that benefit the greater populace, failing which the increase in red tape is strongly unjustified.

The whole funda about licenses has prompted me to think of how some of the more important aspects of our lives, that actually require some regulatory mechanisms to be put into place are woefully neglected by the government. We have to obtain licenses for riding vehicles, and governments give out licenses to kill, but nobody regulates people’s right to become parents.

If parenthood were a right enforced only via licensing, then crazy people would not have kids, making our society a safer and better place to live in.

On saturday evening, when having dinner with PGK, we noticed how some parents at this place named Grameen in Koramangala were encouraging their kids’ errant behaviour. Despite in favour of most of the ideologies of the Kansa Society, we weren’t sure whether ‘taking care’ of these retarded parents was a job for Kansa Society or not.

After a swift phone call to Madman, the following was clearly established:

Aadisht: Though the Kansa Society is primarily into slaughtering children, we do undertake the task of slaughtering parents as well, on a need basis.

People that want to have children should take a test, which will determine their eligibility. Those who score above a certain cut-off can be issued a license to parenthood, while those that have mid-range marks are eligible to re-take the test after a year or so. Those whose scores fall below a cut-off range will be issued a certificate, making them eligible either to a vasectomy / hysterectomy or a lifetime’s supply of Nirodh from their nearest health center.

Keeping in mind issues that include NHRC violations, we can’t remedy the wrongs that people have committed by having children in the past, and eliminate the offspring of those ineligible to have children now, but we can secure our future against such dangers.

This license will tackle many problems facing our country, including the population explosion, the population explosion of morons and imbeciles, reduce the growth of anti-social elements in our society and heal the world, make it a better place for you and for me and the entire human race.

There is someone who sits in my proximity at the office who has a dialogue from a Gult (Telugu, for those woefully uninitiated) movie as his cell phone ringtone, complete with background music and all. The ring tone begins with some female talking in a flirtatious voice, followed by some randomly absurd piece of synthesizer music followed by a male voice, which I haven’t heard most of the time since the said person mercifully picks up the phone by then.

This morning, I’ve been hearing him speak non-stop Gult for almost two hours, with the only discernible parts of his speech being ‘Hi how are you?‘ (repeated about seventeen times already before I got bored and lost count and had to do my own work) and something about ‘cute cute puppies‘ and something else about ‘Korean lovely ladies‘ thereafter (unless there is some expression in Gult which sounds like that, which I’ve buffalaxed into English).

I’ve ever so rarely heard said person speak to anyone in his vicinity, but I guess his is the only loud cell phone ringtone that I could possibly tolerate, simply because of its extreme absurdity.

Let me illustrate this with a particular example that I was witness to the other day. This took place on a weekday morning at a busy traffic intersection on the ring road in Bangalore, when some buffoon chose to use his helmet to protect his left elbow instead of protecting his head.

Combined with the almost-reverential protection given to his elbow was the fact that he didn’t know enough math to discern that he was speeding at a place where he should’ve ideally breaked and waited for the red light to turn green.

Hence our man, let’s call him Raju, was guilty of two offences – jumping a red light and protecting his left elbow instead of his head with a helmet. What happened when he chose to move instead of wait is something that was predictable. He rammed into someone who was travelling in the purpendicular direction and hurt his hand, because the helmet got in the way.

I saw the whole thing happen, and I couldn’t help but grin at the fact that Raju was being a dumbass who deserved what he got. I don’t think it is bad Karma to laugh at someone who is being an idiot and breaking the rules. I’d consider it to be priceless entertainment instead and I must say that I look forward to many such instances in the future.

Te same applies for all the morons who travel the wrong way in a one way to save a few paise, instead of going further ahead along the road and taking a U-turn to get to their destination. Skimpy and I once had a discussion and he pointed out the following logic to me made a pertinent observation, which I wish was something that people could come up with intuitively instead of putting themselves through such peril.

Assume that you save 10 paise petrol while going the wrong way, and that you face a 1% risk of injuring yourself. Consequently, the value of your life is INR 10. If these people have such a small value for their life, should those that don’t break the rules bother much about them?

The traffic rule breakers in Bangalore should have their own section in the Darwin Awards, so that they can go ahead, and literally knock themselves out. For good.

His inclination towards adopting an expression that he’s probably heard when abroad and making a totally bastardized version of the same has had me in splits every time he has asked me this question.

In fact, I’ve upped the ante by giving a straight faced reply, saying – “My things are fine, how are your things?“.

I am sometimes led to wonder as to whether this guy was one of the translators for Zero Wing, and the inclusion of “How are the things?” into modern day pop culture references of bad grammatical errors in the lines of Engrish would do ample justice to the absolute mayhem that this statement could cause were it to fall into the hands of those capable of propagating it all across the world.

I have no qualms about poking fun at this particular person for multiple reasons, including his ability to put Harvey Dent to shame.