Rocking in the Free World

In unconfirmed reports that I just conjured out of thin air, it turns out that the controversial group, Shri Ram Sene has decided to change track all of a sudden from attacking the pub-culture in Karnataka and trying to enforce moral policing in the state, and has instead decided to launch a campaign to claim Madhuri Dixit as their own.

Having approached a notary recently, the Shri Ram Sene has decided to rename itself as Shriram Nene, by dropping a space and replacing their second ‘S’ with an ‘N’, and will soon issue a public notice in all leading newspapers regarding this aforesaid change of name.

Trustworthy sources, (who I’ve once again imagined, like I used to have imaginary friends in school who played with me) have informed me that Pramod Muthalik will be issuing a statement which says, “I first noticed the clever wording of our organization’s name when I googled for Shri Ram Sene and it asked me if I was searching for Shri Ram Nene instead.”

Continuing, he said,”It was then that I hit upon this brilliant idea. I’ve been fond of Madhuri since I was a 30-year old in the mid 80s and saw her dance to the tune of ‘ek do teen’ in Tezaab. By the time she got to the number twenty in that song, she’d mermerized me. I can say for sure that all our supporters feel the same way.”

“Pub culture is against our philosophy and all that crap, but, Madhuri is waaay too hot to pass upon, even at this age”, he said, rubbing his hands in glee, while showing off his senior citizen status on his voter’s ID card to all and sundry.

“Therefore we’ve decided to rename our organization. This is the change we need. Yes we can.” He paused thereafter, hoping for thunderous applause, none of which was forthcoming.

“I believe the previous two sentences got one man in the US the Presidency. I might get to be CM of Karnataka, at least!”, he said, “However, this CM thingy is just a side project that I have, the primary one is what we’re sticking to, make no mistake!”

He left thereafter to attend a marathon movie screening along with the other members of the newly renamed Shriram Nene group, in a theatre where they will sit through and watch all sixty five of Madhuri Dixit’s movies back to back, making notes and having discussions on each of them.

“Even movies like Gaja Gamini, Aansoo Bane Angarey and Jeevan Ek Sangharsh, which the producers of the movie weren’t able to watch will be seen by us”, he said, and stormed off into a movie theatre with the twenty-seven others who were recently left out on bail from the Mangalore jail.

As pub-owners, women, men who go to pubs with women and the general public heaved a huge sigh of relief, Dr.Shriram Nene was last seen along with his family at some airport in the US, flying off to some undisclosed island in the Pacific to prevent Mutalik and co. from having their plans bear fruition.

They’ve now come up with a press release saying that movie posters that do not have Madhuri Dixit-Nene on them will be torn down with extreme prejudice.

And so the saga continues….