Yes, I’ve been given a full page dedicated to myself and whatever I want to write on the magazine, and I plan to unleash propaganda and spread arbitness in the best and most effective manner possible.
The title of the column is the same as the title of the website, and the title of this post. Under the fold, you will see the contents of my first ever column piece that was published in the October 2008 issue of the magazine.
It only promises to get more and more inane after this.
I can has……my own column????
When Reuben informed me that I was to have my own column in the hallowed pages of RSJ, I was beside myself with joy. Not literally of course, because despite it being a monumental occasion, I wasn’t really too keen on the whole out-of-body experience thing. Nevertheless, it seemed like quite a thrill to be able to have my own space in a magazine that I’ve contributed articles to in the past eighteen months.
While it seems like a really cool thing to be call oneself a ‘syndicated columnist’, realization suddenly struck me that I’d have to churn out content on a monthly basis to go into the magazine. Despite the wide berth given so far as what content goes into this page is concerned, I’d still have to ensure that what went in wasn’t so tangential, irrelevant and consequently irreverent that you’d send me hate mail in disgust.
For the record, I’ve not received any hate mail yet, only spam on my RSJ mail ID, so feel free to unleash the vitriol if you feel it worth your while. I however, would like to state that I can respond in kind in my column (ha! MY column, I really could get used to the sound of that!) and rip you to shreds if you’re ranting out of context.
Having to confine myself to non-arbitrary subjects has promptly ruled out any attempts of mine to write about the traffic situation in Bangalore, the search for extra-terrestrial intelligence, why you should use wordpress instead of any other blogging platform provided or about the pros of using dental floss.
The first thing that I had to think of, even before I launched into filling up the content in my column was to come up with a snappy name. “What’s in a name?” you ask, evidently having involuntarily OD-ed on Shakespeare a few years ago as part of something you read in school. The first pre-requisite to having an awesome column is to have an awesome name.
It doesn’t matter if I write absolute garbage in it thereafter, what will stick around in the vast recesses of your memory is the cool name I thought of, or so I’d like to think. Names like ‘More than words’ and ‘endless rain into a paper cup’ did briefly cross my mind, for their simultaneously musical and literal connotations, but they were discarded in favour of, what I feel, is the best name I could come up with for this column at short notice.
The next important thing that one needs is a good picture to go with the column. (For picture being referred to, check out the flickr link for the same) A cartoon would’ve sufficed, and after looking at what I supplied, I’m sure that the good folk in New Delhi would’ve thought twice about putting it up, thinking instead that a cartoon was, in effect, a better idea.
Nevertheless, one shouldn’t underestimate the importance of a good picture to go with the column. It should convey authority, dignity, a possible sense of nobility and a hint of professionalism to go with one’s writing and hence the Viking helmet that I’d purchased from some roadside vendor in the streets of Bergen in Norway, combined with my favourite shirt and tie seemed like the best way to convey those qualities, although nobody I know seemed to agree, probably because they weren’t in their right minds when I asked them, having been bedazzled by that legendary picture.
The first ever column that a person is writing should come across like the pilot episode of an ongoing serial, to give the readers a fair idea about what to expect in the next few columns to come. I have, so far, been unable to do so due to my preliminary ramblings having taken up so much space already.
However, I do have some agenda, a sort of game plan to remedy this ostensible lack of relevant information, by writing about music in general, some bookish knowledge as well as a dash of appropriate current affairs and the usual dose of nonsense that seems to be so characteristic of what I churn out whenever I put pen on paper (or finger on keyboard, if you must).
Being a huge fan of Seinfeld, I have invariably mastered the fine art of churning out nothing, and make it look like something in turn, something I’ve done with consummate ease all through school, college and my workplace so far and by extension, with a little bit of practice, I am sure the same can be done for this column as well.
As the word limit for this piece approaches, I would request you to keep a watch for what shall come up next. Its going to be, as Barney Stintson says, legendary! Or in the very least, it will keep you occupied with this magazine for a few extra minutes while you’re doing whatever else you’re up to, I’d rather not know.
Thanks to Amit and the rest of the good folk at the RSJ office, I’ll be back in a month! Until then, do check out my website and lastly, Hasta luego!
sms
@skimpy,
kthx! Additionally, this post is numbered 911 on my blog.