These thoughts stuck me when some guy from my office who lives close to me said he’d drop in to my place, and I told him to call up before he showed up, so that I could tell him not to come. Those were the exact words that I told him, only half in jest, because I am too lazy to entertain all and sundry. Being the cheerful, good natured guy he is, he didn’t seem to care.
However, after this exchange, I have since been contemplating how our generation is so markedly different from that of our parents’. The primary essence of hospitality in our country has been the fact that guests would drop in home unannounced and stick around for random chit chat, sometimes staying for a meal and leaving.
Under some cases, holidays were also planned such that people would land up at their relatives’ places unannounced and stay there for some time, and the hosts would dutifully take care of their every need and make them feel at home, and seldom complain unless the relative(s) that showed up was/were not among their favourites.
My grandma’s place in Mangalore, at one point of time used to be filled up with relatives who’d come and camp in for as long as they wanted to. Many of them would visit her during the day and go back home at night, but she also had her fair share of outstation visitors.
Most of my fondest childhood memories are of living there at her place, and exploring the garden, playing with the stray dogs in her compound (all of whom responded to ‘Mothi’), going off on ad-hoc trips to the beach with relatives I didn’t know existed until an hour ago and so on.
I have never once heard her complain about any visitor who has come to her place, and said anything about how she has been inconvenienced, though I do know for a fact that it hasn’t been easy for her to have so many visitors all along.
In Mysore, when I used to stay with my folks, we’ve not had as many visitors, and those who’ve dropped in have been those who haven’t stayed. Nevertheless, my parents have always been good hosts and have entertained the guests in a befitting manner.
However, I have noticed a growing trend in which most people nowadays would tend to drop in only after calling up and notifying us in advance. Nobody ever provides us with the surprise element anymore, and the days of visitors dropping in unexpectedly and staying overnight is long past.
I don’t remember dropping in unexpectedly at anyone’s place, and all meetings that I have had with friends / acquaintances / others has always been coordinated via email and / or cell phone thereafter. The only person who drops in unannounced to my house right now is my land lord, who lives upstairs and even he just engages in occasional chit-chat but doesn’t keep me occupied for too long.
It seems as though the western trend of strongly defined personal spaces and of making plans before engaging in any sort of socialization has slowly become the norm in our country as well. The bright side to this is that it works well for some of us who don’t want to be surrounded by people on all occasions, but that feeling of familiarity and that of complete comfort that one previously had has now been eroded.
Guests are still God-like, but it seems as though they need to provide advance notice of their exact arrival and departure times before they make their presence felt.
