I love you. From the bottom of my heart. I love you like I have loved no other blog in my entire life. You are the only blog I will ever have. However, I also have a live journal that I have been updating much more regularly than I have been writing in you.
At the outset, let me clarify that the relationship I share with you is not one which requires me to be monogamous, despite the fact that I am a huge fan of the same. I somehow don’t think I am off my rocker enough (yet) to correlate the concepts of monogamy and blogging in the same breath without wondering whether I’ve finally reached the tipping point that will have me institutionalized.
I like writing, its just that I think of you as an exclusive space where I write things that really make other people laugh or react in ways that would make them think I write better than the average Idiot who talks about his foreign trips and about the food he ate there and the basketball games he saw, the concerts he had been to and all that nonsense.
You are not a random sounding board for me, just so you know.
There are about six posts that I began writing to you, all of which I thought had significant enough content to be rendered publishworthy in your hallowed online space, but a multitude of factors conspired against my being able to do so, including the fact that I was getting paid to write stuff in a couple of online publications as well as in a print magazine, and having felt the urge to let the necessary evil of Mammon, the God of Wealth, into my life if ever so shortly, I had expended all my creative energies and my valuable time reserved for you in that pursuit.
I shall try and see that such things don’t happen in the future. But circumstances might dictate otherwise, as a disclaimer.
However, this open letter to you is just to let you know that my love for writing started with you, and unless the blogger server conks out or we are ACTUALLY living in the matrix and some machine is making me do this until my purpose is served and I am then converted into some gross protein shake for the next set of code monkey babies to be ‘born’ into this world, I shall always keep updating you whenever I am able to.
I apologise for not having written to you earlier this year, but to make up for it in my own little way, I will be putting up another post in a day or two. How does that sound?
love,
Hari
PAATTTTTTTTAAAAAAAASH!!!
You have just been slapped with a legal notice.
Your blog “aljaljira.blogspot.com” alias “Gotcha suckers!!!” is sueing you for committing adultery.
The Legal proceedings on the blog’s behalf will be handled by the undersigned. You are hereby forbidden to contact/ update/ delete the blog without our consent.
The terms of the blog are as follows:
1. Opportunity Loss incurred due to low page-rank of the site :
$3000000
2. Loss incurred due to non availability of clickable ads: $2000000
3. Inferiority complex from other blogs suffered all these years due to stupid / non-value added entries in the blog:
$1000000 (negotiable)
4. Maintenance fee required in the future for self sustenance:
$100 (can be waived off, if the legal proceedings are peaceful)
5. Monetary Support for Emotional trauma and ridicule to be suffered in the future: $3000000
Any communication towards the legal proceedings should be done through the comments section of this entry.
Undersigned:
Tusspataki & Tusspataki Associates
@ Anonymous – Respect. I think this is better than the post itself! Hahahaha!
Total cost of the lawsuit as slapped by Tusspataki & Tusspataki Associates (also known as anonymous): $9,000,100
Cost of surfing the net in a cyber cafe, finding this blog and posting a comment: $0.5
Cost of a real Tusspataki: $2
Waking up first thing in the morning and finally seeing a fatwa after all your efforts: Priceless