Mouthing curses at fundaes that encompassed the ‘joy of Christmas’ and the ‘festive spirit’ and ‘seasons greetings’ and all that nonsense, I decided instead to log on to the net, and while headbanging to some brutal Spice Girls music, churn out another free patent idea that any enterprising person can take up and claim to be his own and make money out of it.
After all, its all about the dum dum da da dum dum.
Anyhoo, the idea that I have is another one that has its roots firmly embedded in outsourcing, and if you’ve been bothered enough to read the topic in question, you would have a fair inkling of what this post is all about.
I have seen Santas on TV, and on how a lot of idiotic hedonistic kids in the West and more recently even over here in our country have turned towards toy stores and other places where they make a wish by sitting in Santa’s lap and their hapless folks are then forced to buy whatever it is that the kid demands, while the store goes laughing all the way to the bank.
Most of the places usually hire some fraud guy who has to wear a cotton pillow around his midriff, while at the same time also stick a fake beard and glue it tightly to his face, lest some stupid brat pulls it off, exposing him as a fake Santa.
After a recent dinner with Monkee at Koshy’s, we both chanced upon a Surd wearing a Santa hat, that has provided to be the inspiration for this post, along with the fraud ‘festive season’ that is upon us.
The older Surds have a natural predisposition towards being bulky, and religion forbids them from cutting their hair or their beards, and once they’ve become old, their hair would naturally turn grey. (You see where I am headed here? Good!)
My proposal is to hire old looking Surds and give them some training at call centers, to acquaint them with nuances that only a department or toy store Santa Claus would have the misfortune of knowing, and then fly them off to the US or other places where St.Nicholas’ services are in demand.
With some proper accent training and a possible body odour revamp, they could be the next wave of outsourcing that takes away jobs from skinny idiots on welfare who masquerade as Santas, thereby making us more universally despised in the Us than we already are. More power to outsourcing.
In addition, it would also provide the Surds in question a good trip to the US along with their families in the twilight of their life. This could also be fodder for another one of those cheesy life insurance ads.
n the true spirit of expansion, should the number of old, bearded and corpulent Surds not suffice, it is also quite possible for the more adventurous orthodox Jews in Israel, specially in Mea Shearim and other orthodox right-wing settlements on the West Bank to actually join our Sardarji counterparts in this venture, just to add more variety to the whole enterprise.
